Mental Batteries

So while I was at school today, I was really thinking about what I'd like to talk about tonight. What of the many topics that were running through my mind would be the best thing to post about on here. I ultimately decided to be self-reflective though and to say that today I was mentally exhausted. I don't doubt that it stemmed in large part from having a four day weekend and then getting back into the swing of things or that my eye still looks frankly awful. Make no mistake, if you ever tell people you've got pink eye, they will suddenly reel away from you like you're a plague victim. I spent the day joking that it was too late, and pink eye could be transmitted simply by sight - I'd infected them just by looking into their eyes. Both of those are very clearly causes to me.

Yet at the same time, I just felt completely unprepared today. I think this was also from not even being sure I should be in school today - while I had been using the anti-biotic ointment for a full 24 hours, that didn't change the fact my eye looked and felt absolutely awful. I found out once I was at school that I didn't bring my notebook and I didn't have any kind of discussion questions in mind for when I tried to lead a discussion on The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. I came up with some questions, particularly ones that connected the text back to the previous text we'd read (The Autobiography of Malcolm X). I just never quite felt on-step during the day.

The freshman lit. course with Mrs. C didn't help either. She had a rough time with them yesterday and was forced to send a couple of students out of class. Today she completely rearranged all of the desks so that it was in a new pattern and it was disorienting to both the students and myself.

So once I got home, I wanted to do nothing. My eye hurt/itched and I was grumpy and tired and really wanted to do nothing but sleep. I only slept for a few hours the night before because I had so many things going through my mind. I also realized I had given a friend an old computer of mine (since I replaced my old one with a shiny new Toshiba) and had failed to clear out all the saved passwords from Firefox. Despite being tired however, I had promised my girlfriend that I would drive up to the local college and see her. I debated canceling since I felt like I'd been run over by a truck, but I decided not to and I am really glad I didn't. I felt dog-tired for awhile but then I started to pick up again. While my eye is still hurting, it's not nearly so bad as it was. I'm feeling much better at this point and ready to tackle to-morrow with renewed vigor.

On the one hand, I feel like things are suddenly moving much faster at the high school. I am now going to be solo-teaching for two weeks during the final two weeks of the first quarter. This means in about three to four weeks if my calculations are right. I need to start getting lesson plans together, discussion questions, assignments, etc.

All of this amounts to me feeling a bit nervous and worried that I might get overwhelmed. However, I think that if I take it one class at a time, figure out a week's worth of assignments and go over them with Mrs. N and Mrs. C and hammer things out, it's going to be fine. This is really unusual for how student teaching is supposed to go however - traditionally one starts by assisting with a lesson, then solo teaching a lesson, then assisting with a unit then solo teaching a full unit. Anyone who knows me though can attest to the fact that patience isn't one of my strong suits.

Better to jump in, I think, and figure out how to swim once I'm already in the deep end.